Vouchers

On Christmas Eve Marc gave me six vouchers for “late night food-craving runs”.  I am to present Marc with a voucher when I want him to go get my craving of the moment and he will get it and then ceremoniously tear up the voucher into tiny little pieces, never to be used again.  Before this Christmas present (which is still my favourite gift of all time), I’m pretty sure I whined every night about wanting some sort of snack that wasn’t in the house.  But now I only have six chances for this during the year (or six “guilt-free” chances).  I’ve been so worried about using them up that it is now almost October and I still have four vouchers left, stuck to the fridge with a magnet.  It’s not like my cravings have stopped, it’s just I wanted to save them for when I really wanted something.  Like tonight.  I’d love to curl up with a nice Wendy’s super value meal (since Jyl had to go home so I can’t snuggle up with her) and watch The Business of Being Born.  But I think about the calories and how I haven’t been exercising and what the late-night calories and lack of exercise will do to my stomach and hips and thighs and shoulders…  And, well, I can always justify not redeeming the voucher.  Which means I’ll have four vouchers left when all of the Christmas eating starts and I’ll be a total glutton all of December.   So, I guess that settles it.  Marc is going to go and get me a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger, no tomato, extra lettuce, with fries and a coke, and I’m going to crawl into bed and watch women give birth.  And I’m going to attempt to do this without feeling guilty.  Because it’s Christmas.  Or, at least, that’s when I got the vouchers…  I don’t know.  If I keep writing I’ll probably convince myself to not get the treat.  Poor, poor Dixie.  Sometimes it’s just so hard for her to enjoy things without feeling guilty.  I wish Marc could make some vouchers for that.

Posted in Random | 4 Comments

4 Responses to Vouchers

  1. Jyl says:

    You’re eating Wendy’s!!?? I would have totally stayed and watched the movie if I had known Wendy was going to be hanging out with us! Wednesday is my cheat day, too! Oh, well…maybe next week? 🙂

  2. Marc says:

    Dear readers, I implore you. Pray you, listen well to my story—which is the story of this house for lo these many weeks.

    It is evening. I am not up to much of anything—certainly not committed to whatever it is I’m doing. Dixie wanders downstairs and says, “I’m thinking of claiming one of my vouchers.”

    To which I immediately reply, “Well, that’s what they’re for.”

    And then she says, “But I’ll just feel bloated and fat if I do.”

    And then I say, “OK. Then don’t.” And the she’ll wander about and never claim the voucher.

    Same story tonight. I’m aimlessly wandering about cyberspace, half-heartedly playing some Texas Hold’em poker on Facebook, when she wanders downstairs and says, “I’m thinking of claiming one of my vouchers.”

    Same conversation as always ensues. I thought that was the end of it and nothing came of it for the next half hour or so…

    …until I’ve been settled comfortably on the couch with a good book for about 10 minutes, when she says with certitude, “I’m claiming that voucher!”

    Of course, it’s my voucher, so I have to honour it. So I get off the couch (which, I remind you, is warmly lit and cozy) and head upstairs, donning coat and sandals. And then I remember: there’s a part here that isn’t being played: the ceremony.

    “You have to bring me the voucher.” I say.

    “I’ll give you the voucher when you bring me the food.”

    “No, no. That’s not how it works. Part of the point of all this is the claiming of a voucher.”

    Because, of course, you can’t walk into a store and claim a coupon or what have you without said coupon or what have you in hand.

    “Fine.” Dixie starts humming some kind of military march tune as she climbs the stairs (not an official part of the ceremony, but we may have to enshrine that as part of future events) and walks to the kitchen and hands me the voucher.

    Humming continues as I rip the voucher into tiny pieces.

    And then I went and got her Wendy’s order.

  3. Ruth says:

    i want some vouchers!!! i’ll have to “share” this idea with my dear man.

  4. Cheyne says:

    I think she should claim ALL the vouchers at once, eat them all in one go and really enjoy it – knowing that the stress of said vouchers is being eaten up at the same time. You can only put on so much weight in one go.

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