Failures & Forgiveness

I had quite the dream last night. Okay, I have strange, extremely detailed dreams every night (and you should all be glad that you don’t get the play by play every morning over your coffee and muffin), but the one from last night needs to be shared, I think.

It started off with a giant meteorite or something hitting the ground and causing a massive wall of dirt hurtling through a huge section of North America. Everyone was freaking out and trying to get to their loved ones. Now that whole meteorite and wall of dirt is actually incidental to the dream. But it was how it began. The main character of the dream who was a combination of Meryl Streep and Emma Thompson, so we’ll call here Mera (because if we call her Emryl, you’ll think she was saying “Bam!” through out the dream, which she was not).

Mera was panicking because she was separated from her children during the meteorite hit, and knowing that her husband (Colin Firth — can you say “Yay!”?!) was a bit of a workaholic jackass, she tried to get to her house as soon as possible to make sure the children were okay. The children were safe at home.

Shortly after that Mera is sitting on the bed and Hugh Grant is laying there and Mera is thinking of having an affair. She’s curling her hair and Hugh Grant is trying to convince her. Mera thinks of her jackass husband and just goes ahead with it. As soon as it’s over, she is indifferent to what she has done; it means nothing to her.

However, as she’s getting out of the bed, she sees the doorhandle turn. She wraps herself in a sheet, and runs to the door to try and stop the handle. She opens the door a tiny bit, enough to peek her head around and see out. Colin Firth is standing there. Then the panic hits her. She is found out. Colin turns his head and sees the reflection in the mirror of Hugh Grant on the bed. And now he knows, too.

So Mera walks out of the room, hair a mess, wrapped in the sheet and looks up at Colin and says, “Have you ever had an affair?” And, though she was not ever aware of him having one, Colin says “Yes.” And they both look at each other. They looked at each other — ashamed of what they’d done, but knowing that they love each other. And that was the moment. They’d messed up and had been living with the fear of being fully known. But now that fear is gone. They’d hurt the other, but they are still loved. They’d both screwed things up and somehow that made it easier to forgive.

I tell you. That was the moment of the dream. You see these movies with people having affairs and doing all of these risque things and you think that’s where the “excitement” is. But the real excitement, the kind that make the good butterflies in your stomach (the butterflies that don’t leave behind regret), is risking openness and vulnerability with someone you love and finding out that all of you is loved. There was such a moment of complete openness and love in that dream. It was really beautiful. Standing there, wrapped in a sheet exposing all of your mistakes, but being loved in that moment.

Posted in Dreams, Life & Faith, Marriage | 3 Comments

3 Responses to Failures & Forgiveness

  1. Jobina says:

    Wow, you have amazing dreams! There’s got to be something that you could do with that…take up screen play writing? Novel writing? Something!

  2. Randall says:

    You get it.
    and your spirit is letting you know that you get it.
    In language and people you understand and relate to.

    It’s a great dream. You don’t need cable TV.

  3. Toni says:

    Sounds like your dreams are confirming your blogposting of the last couple of weeks.

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