Woman Body

I know I said I was going to bed, but I relaxed laying in bed on the phone with Jyl for almost an hour and then between seeing the picture of me at Luke’s second birthday party (the last picture of that post) and getting into my pyjamas and seeing myself in the mirror tonight, my mind start racing a bit.

I look so young in that picture — it was taken 6 weeks before Olivia was born. My face even looks thinner than it does now! I think I only weighed about 5 pounds more in that picture than I do now, sadly. I’ve totally let myself go since then. I mean, really, I have. And some part of me is okay with that and okay with what I see in the mirror and part of me isn’t.

I think Marc’s mom always thought it was the leftovers of mine that Marc would eat when we were first dating (while I’m convinced it was his diet of bread and cheese his first two years of university) that caused Marc to go from a 175lb teenager to a 200+lb man in a matter of a year. But I always say that that’s when Marc got his “man body”. And it was a good thing. When I look at pictures of him before we met, sure he was all toned and muscular, but he didn’t look like a “man”. I like the way he looks now.

Maybe that’s what I’m going through now — 10 years later. I’m getting my “woman body”. (Or that could just be my excuse.) I went from a 115lb bride to a mom 2.5 years later to a mom of three kids 4.5 years after that. And that’s changed me. It’s made me curvier and saggier and lumpier. But those things don’t have to be bad. In fact, I’m kind of getting used to it all. And that’s why I feel like I’ve really “let myself go”, because I’m accepting how I look. But maybe that’s not it at all.

Maybe it’s about embracing my woman body. I think I’m trying to do that — accept all of me. I really want to do that. And maybe the fight isn’t so much about me accepting it, but recognizing that I’m not “giving up” on myself when I accept how I look.

Ya. My woman body. I thought I got it when I was 14. Now I’m getting it again at 30. And I imagine it’ll arrive again at 50 or so. But I think it can all be beautiful. I don’t have to look like I’m 21 in order to be beautiful.

I don’t have to look like I’m 21 in order to be beautiful.

(Should probably post that on every mirror in the house…)

Posted in Life, Memories, Motherhood | 9 Comments

9 Responses to Woman Body

  1. Jyl says:

    I’m starting to embrace all of my squishiness (and there’s A LOT to embrace) and, on some days, I am glad that I have it. When I was little, I always liked hugging my mom more than my dad because she was soft and cuddly. So I tell myself that I am large and round so that my future children will enjoy hugging me.

  2. Dixie says:

    I checked out all of the links from the post you linked to. That is very cool. Not sure I have the courage to do that… maybe…

  3. Paula says:

    “I’m accepting how I look.” That MUST be a 30 thing, because that it exactly how I am feeling!!

  4. Jobina says:

    it’s good to accept our bodies, not to give ourselves an excuse to give up taking care of ourselves but because this is the new normal for us! Our bodies are constantly changing and to try to beat it into being the way it was is futile. I’m still working on this too and I admit to having my good days and bad days about it. Today is a good day.

  5. Ang says:

    I figure as long as we aren’t stuffing our faces with poutine every night and we live a healthy lifestyle…forget about it. We will never be teenager skinny again. You worked hard for the curves you got carrying those three beautiful babies of yours!

  6. Dixie says:

    Ang, is it bad that my only response to your comment is “Mmmm… poutine…”

    🙂

  7. […] sure how many of you caught the anonymous comment on my Woman Body post, which linked me with this post which then linked to a site called The Belly Project. And all […]

  8. […] seem that I am making my way through a process of accepting who I am. I’ve done a couple of posts over the past month about my body and my perception of my body, and I think I have some new […]

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