I am not a failure.

Marc sent out an email today, on my behalf, asking whether or not I could switch over my gym membership to him. Now, before you start planning your “how could you?!” comments in your mind, let me explain. I’ve gone to the gym about four times in the months of September and October combined. The first time I went I was a zombie for the rest of the day, just completely worn out. The next time I went I had a horrible pain in my back for a day straight. The time after that I had the pain in my back and was so exhausted I ended up sick for a week. The last time I went I ended up sick (sore throat and lightheaded) again.

I just don’t think the gym is for me. At least at this point. I know there is a lot of good equipment at the gym, but I don’t know how to use it. And even if I did, I’m not sure that’s what my body needs. I mainly did cardio there — the treadmill or the bike or the stepper thing. But those are repetitive and I don’t think my hips and back can take such repetitive motion at this point.

And Marc? Well, since it’s turned to winter in the past two weeks, he hasn’t quite felt like running at 7:30am in the wind and the darkness. He could benefit from running on the treadmill in the nice warm gym. Plus, he’s already going to that building anyway. I don’t really want to walk all the way to the main campus building in -30 at 7:30 in the morning to do something that will make me exhausted for the rest of the day.

So. What am I going to do instead? Well, what I’ve always done. Thirty minutes of aerobics or pilates or tae bo or yoga and some hand weights. What can I say? I’m an aerobics kind of girl. I like the variety and the challenge of figuring out the moves and I get to express my outstanding natural sense of rhythm… Plus I can do it at home. I don’t have to worry about the kids (they played play doh during my workout this morning). And I can gradually get my body used to moving around again.

Because, honestly! Good Lord! I’ve become quite the stiff in the past two years. I always thought those workouts that I did when I was pregnant or preparing to get pregnant were useless because I barely broke a sweat or elevated my heart rate. But they really did do something. And I know it’s a combination of my age and having three babies and eating away my sorrows for a good year that have caused all of the squishy flabbiness, but I finally believe that those workouts I did actually did something beneficial. And if I start them again and ease into exercise, I am certain that I can lose inches and pounds by our tenth anniversary. August 12, 2010. That is my goal.

I don’t know if I should set a specific weight and waist/hip/thigh size. I don’t really know what I should be at besides “less than I am now”. I’ve never been good at being happy with my body. And for once I feel like I’m doing the exercise not because “I hate my body”, but because I want to be a bit more fit. I mean, if you could’ve seen some of the yoga poses I did tonight. Yeah. Not pretty. The other day I was looking in the mirror and thought the extra weight looked kind of sexy, all round and nice. I don’t want to go back to 118 pound Dixie. But I want to be able move around a bit better and be stronger and leaner. And I think the aerobics stuff will help. I mean, look at how much fun I make aerobics at 32 weeks pregnant look?!:

(Okay, actually I look exhausted in the first one and angry in the second one, but look at how little Madeline was!)

Posted in Life, Marriage, Memories, Pregnancy/Birth | 5 Comments

5 Responses to I am not a failure.

  1. Lisa says:

    I totally believe that the aerobics you did while you were preggers or prepping to get preggers did your body good! You don’t need a gym membership. I’m kinda the same…I would get the membership and scheduling wise, it would rarely work. Ever since I had that trainer from PA make a program for me, and I can do it in my living room, infront of my TV…that’s all I need.

    Going back to the preggers aerobics – I feel so stiff from doing so little. Anything you can do, will benefit…provided you dont’ celebrate with blizzards and poutine afterward! 🙂

  2. Carissa says:

    I’m totally not a gym girl either! I much prefer doing “it” at home. And good for you to decide what works best for you. Anything is good, Dixie!! And surely the gym will transfer the membership to Marc! (And good for you to want to do it to be fit and not just b/c you hate your body….I’m so not “there” yet…) :{

  3. Toni says:

    From your summary I can’t blame you for dropping gym either. It sounds like you need some kind of circuit training – 1 min per exercise with 10 to 12 different exercises done twice. Gives you variety, uses lots of different muscles and allows you to cruise the ones that are too hard while still working hard elsewhere.

    But do whatever feels right for you: you know your body best. Even walking briskly for 20 min every day is better than not doing anything.

  4. Bonnie says:

    Anything you do helps so never think you need an hour of sweating to help you out. The more exercise the better of course but somedays all I get to do is stretch and it’s better than nothing.

    I do my workouts at home. I run 2 miles on the treadmill, Ms. Jillian is quite a good workout and I highly recommend her if you want to see your body change, I also love my exercise ball workout.

    I love that you realize it’s about health not beauty.

  5. Bonnie says:

    But I should state that I am trying to achieve no muffin top….I hope someday that happens for me..;)

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