Let me be really honest. It’s been a rough day around here. This is my second day of being sick: non-stop headache, cough, sinus trouble, and general body aches. And I am just so tired. I slept in until almost 9:30am. Spent as much time as I could laying on the couch this morning. (Seeing as the kids had already torn the house and their bedrooms apart before we were even out of bed, I figured I’d let them revel in the mess a little while longer.) Made the kids lunch, which took all of one minute. (I knew I was saving those two tins of Chef Boyardee for a reason.) And then Olivia and I slept for almost three hours.
By the time we were up again, Marc was back from Winnipeg (church annual meeting and Costco run — yes, I gave in and did the big grocery run; we were out of toilet paper and all fruits and vegetables and cereal and bread). This meant I could take my place back on the couch, and leave the children to Marc. But boy oh boy. With Luke and Olivia being in the house all week because they’ve been sick since Monday, it’s like all the kids were going crazy. They were wired and noisy and flailing their bodies. Just the thing I was in no condition to be around.
Marc and I spent most of the time yelling at the kids. To be quiet. To stop bothering each other. To clean up all of the toys they’d taken out. And then during supper (we went the easy way out and had chicken fingers and fries while watching an episode of Mr. Bean), I spilled my glass of cranberry juice. And because we were sitting on the couch, I spilled my full glass of cranberry juice all over my textbooks which I keep by the side table in the living room. They’re mostly okay (though Phyllis Tickle’s Divine Hours for Spring will smell fruity-fresh from now on), because the majority of the juice fell in the basket with our recorded-from-tv vhs movies. That’s right. I may have to say good-bye to my copy of “The Facts of Life Down Under” and “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure”. Now, Pee Wee you can get anywhere. But The Facts of Life Down Under? That is a real treasure!
And even though the $250 worth of textbooks are okay, I want to tell you that I lost it. I got so mad at that stupid juice. I growled. I called myself an idiot. And when I discovered the juice spilled because there was a pencil on the table that I didn’t notice. I threw the pencil at the bookcase. (I never throw things. Sometime it just feels good to throw things.) All with my kids sitting next to me.
What a good mom I am. (And Marc was quick to point out all of the things I should not have done, which I had just done, in that moment.)
But I just couldn’t take it any more.
It was like I was over-sensitive to everything because my body felt like such crap.
You know what the difference is with me these days, though? In the past I would’ve hated everything about this day. I would’ve hated that I had slept half the day away and watched movies during the other half. I would’ve hated that I’d done nothing “productive”. I would’ve hated that my kids were so out of control, and that they’d made a mess of the house which I spent all week keeping clean. I would’ve felt like a failure for yelling and spilling the juice and throwing the pencil. And that feeling I had when we were putting the kids in bed (You know that feeling right? Where your patience is going to last only two more minutes but it’s going to take at least four minutes for the kids to be done lolly-gagging while peeing and brushing their teeth?), I would still be feeling that now, three hours later.
But instead tonight I will go to bed in the same old stinky pyjamas I’ve been wearing all day, with a headache that two extra strength Tylenol cannot seem to take away, and I will sleep. And I know that sleep will make me a bit better, even if just a bit. And I know that tomorrow doesn’t have to be like today. That there is more patience to be found. More patience to be found. More patience to be found.
It’s been a rough day. But I love my kids.