There has been so much stress the past few weeks as we have to make decisions about the move to Alberta. Some of these decisions are hard to make from a distance. And everything just seems more difficult while living in limbo – finished in one place, but not quite done; ready for moving on, but not quite yet.
It’s lead to some stressful moments and some stressful conversations.
Today I got quite exasperated, and in my frustration I decided that I was ready to move to Alberta today. Not because I was ready to move to Alberta, but because I was ready to be done in Manitoba.
Then I realized something.
A few times in my early adult years, I have left places and people awkwardly. Sometimes you get to a point in a relationship where there doesn’t seem to be any other way to deal with it other than to avert your eyes and avoid eye contact (sometimes metaphorically, sometimes not) for the remainder of the relationship. I can think of a few times when I did that, but I was young.
I’ve tried very consciously to leave our life in Manitoba well.
So, today, when I wanted to just book it out of town immediately, I stopped and thought: “I don’t need to get away from this problem. I need to figure out what it is in me that makes this such an overwhelming problem.”
I may be able to run away from specific troubles. But there is something in me that makes me overwhelmed by them. And there’s no way to run away from that. You can’t run away from yourself.
I may go to new places, but the same conflict will just be wrapped in a different package, unless I face what it is in me that causes my anxieties and responses. That’s the thing that needs to be unwrapped and that’s the thing that will allow me to live in relationship openly.
If I do that, “the same problems just different places” may instead become “the same solution works for different problems”. Just maybe.