Moment of Panic

(And, no, it’s not the scurrying of little rodent feet that I’m sure I heard in the floor vents yesterday. Even though I know I heard them. We’ll just forget about that until there’s any further evidence of rodent life in our house again. Rather…)

Tonight I had a moment (a rather long moment) of panic as I was listening to my course lecture and trying to formulate answers to the on-line discussion questions. I thought to myself, “Am I cut out to be a counsellor — someone who listens to all of the stuff life has thrown at people and all of the ways that stuff has worked its way into the hearts and heads and actions of those people?”

I know part of me is. In fact, I know a whole lot of my personality is well-suited to be that listening, empathetic, encouraging, instructing voice to others. In some ways it feels like I’ve been doing that kind of thing my whole life.

But this time… it’s business time. Letters behind my name. Official. Dealing with people I don’t know. Dealing with them as a professional…

And, most of all, what I’m not sure of is if I have what it takes to face the real depths of humanity. All of that stuff. That ugliness and pain and darkness that I so often wax philosophical about on here. I don’t know if I can face it. Truly. It means facing a lot more stuff in me. And that’s always scary and never fun.

So, really, it’s less about humanity and more about me.

Posted in Life & Faith, Ministry | 6 Comments

6 Responses to Moment of Panic

  1. Carissa says:

    I can’t even imagine…..It’s good to be feeling this way, I think, b/c then you’re relying more on God. You know? Good for you! 🙂 Keep up the great work, glad you’re feeling better!!!!

  2. We all hope counseling can help people change, it’s a big commitment to place yourself beside your husband in the healing and truthing process. I believe counseling is a gift, which you have, and which learning can sharpen. Most preachers are not counselors, I am not. and don’t get me started on Jay Adams and nouthetic counseling, I lived it, and saw it crash and burn.

  3. Collette says:

    oh dang, now I have that Flight of the Conchords song “It’s Business Time” in my head. thanks. ha!

    also, you can do it. as a mother, wife, and friend you are already a counsellor. this will hone your skills plus teach you to truly appreciate what you have. and you’ll be able to help, which is useful and noble. school should be able to teach you how to not get too involved, which will enable you to continue on and do more good work.

    I think I understand your fear, though. I once tried to volunteer for a sexual assault line. I quit before I started the training sessions. I figured that I didn’t need to know how bad humanity really is. but, back then I was also much younger, plus that line was for really intense stuff. nobody calls a sexual assault line because they are worried about how their career is going, or worried about their parenting skills. I would guess that you’ll find much to be happy about in your new role, and it won’t be as scary as you think.

    in fact, by the end of the week I’m going to finally write my therapist the thank you note I’ve been meaning to send her for a year. she lead me to meditation which changed my life. I haven’t had the chance to tell her how I’m doing. after I left my last job, i lost my free counselling. plus, I didn’t really need it anymore!

    you can do it.

  4. Nicole says:

    YOU are going to be amazing in this path. BELIEVE it.

  5. rebs says:

    I didn’t realize you were taking counseling classes. I think you’d be great. A masters in counseling is something I have often thought of but right now the schooling and papers, and cost are not for me. I have three classes towards it already. I have instead been trying to find other ways to get trained in spiritual counseling. I am glad you are wrestling through stuff as you process.

  6. Angie says:

    I think I had a few moments like that as I stepped into the world as a registered massage therapist. I think being a counselor is a little more scary, but just knowing you have the power to affect people’s lives in a (hopefully) positive manner, or cause them some pain. Well maybe not you, but those were some of the things I faced. I think sometimes in my profession I get to be a listening ear for people who are going through tough times, but I try not to give to much life advice because I am really not qualified to do that.

    Having read your blog for a few years, I think that being a counselor will suit you very well. You are very gifted with words, and deep thoughts, and life experience.

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